Feb 12

Today.. we pressed the snooze on the alarm to get ready for church. Waking up was always a struggle for us, 9am church didn't help, and we would always rush to get ready. CJ always claimed he could get ready faster than I could. I always won. He always did his fancy tie, cuff links, tie the shoes, belt.. he had a lot going on. Today he wore his wedding suit to church. I loved it when he wore that suit, he looked so HANDSOME in it.. always reminded me of when we got married. We were late to church, the usual, but this sunday was extra crowded because there was a missionary speaking, so we did the walk of shame to the front row, right in the center. I was so nervous all Sunday because I had to teach my lesson.. CJ just held my hand and said he would come teach it for me. I almost took him up on it. In church we played the word game on our hand (usually wrote on the back, but we were front row, people were watching). We made up our own "hand squeeze" language.. where we would squeeze each others hand and have a conversation. It always ended with 3 squeezes and one HARD... translation I LOVE YOU... HARD. We would always see who could squeeze the hardest and make is not noticeable in our facial expressions, my whole body would get into it. and we both would start to laugh. We did this the entire sacrament. Sunday school came next.. I sat there and listened, trying to focus on the lesson and stressing about teaching the next hour. The next thing I know, CJ is making a comment and I just remember holding his hand and thinking to myself.. yup, thats my husband. I loved it when he made comments, because he had so much scripture knowledge, his comments were always so powerful. After Sunday school, CJ walked me to the Young Women room and gave me a little pep talk and a kiss for good luck. I did it, I taught the lesson. I was nervous and sweaty.. and I only taught 5 girls.. I just always get so nervous. I was so grateful for CJ and all his notes.. I still have them, and look at them. The lesson was about keeping the spirit with us. When I was done.. I just opened the door to find CJ, and there he was waiting for me in the hall. Leaning against the wall with that little smirk on his face... He brought so much peace and calmness to my madness... I told him about how I was nervous, but I think I did ok... he just laughed at me, told me I did fine. I always remember holding his hand, I love holding his hand, it was sunny and we walked to our car together hand in hand. Then we were a bit beasty... and changed quickly to the topic of what we were going to eat as soon as we got home. We were good eaters. We didn't even bother to change out of our church clothes.. we walked into the kitchen and started pulling out all the snacks we could find.. in the middle of the raiding the kitchen.. CJ just stopped me.. and kissed me, and told me from the bottom of his heart how much he loved me. He melted my heart... while I was stuffing my face, he still loved me through all my craziness. I remember it all very clear. CJ told me he loved me.. so much, and I am so grateful to be sealed to the most amazing man, and be loved by him.

That night... one of my most proud moments of CJ is when he called me and told me that he cooked a rice a toni box.... the family size box, and ate the ENTIRE THING! First of all, CJ could eat.. so that part didn't surprise me as much. MY CJ cooked! All by himself! I was laughing so hard. I then asked if he did the dishes? His response: No, I just put them in the pile and saved them for later. We loved saving the dishes for later...

oh life.. Like it was yesterday. I just know how much love I always felt from my sweet husband. How we always made each other laugh, how every moment... I miss. I love my CJ more than words can express.

Feb 11

We slept in today, slept in hard. Went and played tennis for couple hours, CJ won points, our game we made up. We went for a bike ride and got my racquet restrung across the street at the sports authority. After, we went and rode on the bike path to get lunch at TOGO's.. We watched basketball inside, that new guy was a big deal.. On our way home we just laughed and tried to get home fast because it started to rain on us. Hung out.. I watched CJ study and bugged him to play. Our usual Saturday activity. Got ready for our date! CJ and I went to Laguna and watched the most amazing sunset and I remember standing behind him, so he blocked the wind, and just loved being close to him. We held hands and walked the board walk and came to a pizza place for dinner. I loved date night with my babe. Came home and watched a movie.. Our Benjamin button life. An entire day with CJ.. A perfect day. I felt so much love and happiness with my husband. He is so good to me. #ilovemycj the days get closer and my heart is so full of love for you.

CJ told me to smile.. I don't do self portraits. We stood there and watched all these high school kids posing for a group pictures for a dance. CJ tried to stand behind me to block the wind, but I quickly switched spots and got right up behind him. I put my head on his shoulder and we watched the sunset, our favorite, go down. We went and got pizza and diet coke. Coke Zero for my CJ. We walked back to our car hand in hand and were excited to just go home and watch a movie together.

After our show, I was stressed because I had to teach my first lesson in Young Women's, and I get nervous. CJ stayed up with me till like 2am.. going over bullet points, helping me find scriptures, and references to used for my lesson. He was so excited for me.. he said he would come teach it for me if I wanted him to, bless his heart, he was always so good to me; my spiritual giant. I loved how he just lit up and was always so ready to help me.

kissed each other good night and said i love you.. every night and every morning.

Little man

I fall in love with CJ with each picture, at all ages, of him. This one melts my heart. He is the same... just a little man. He still looked exactly like this. My little man.

engagement pictures..

I look at pictures. I am so grateful we have so many. These I found again.. and fell in love again.. I remember taking these. The whole time we were just laughing because we didn't know what to do. We were told to just be ourselves and he took pictures "in the moment". We were always in our own world together... I love him.

My Dancing CJ

I watch this OVER and OVER and OVER again! One thing that I was always SO PROUD and would brag about to people I met, is that my CJ was a good dancer. I think it is the most attractive thing, well not the most, but I love it with my WHOLE HEART <3

CJ and I would always have dance parties... basically I would watch him, while I two stepped. When we were dating we would just go dancing, just the two of us, all the time. Even when we were married, we went to vegas and danced at the clubs. We would just be in our own world.. but I have such EYES for my CJ... He would laugh at my two step. The best is when I would come come and I would find CJ in complete sweat in front of the mirror with his Dr. Dre Beats on... "workin it out" I would just stand and watch until he noticed I was there. He would be so happy to show me this new move me made up or that he found on youtube, with the biggest smile, and give me a sweaty hug. Every day I knew when he would come home because I could hear his music on speaker... walking in with his music and dancing until he gave me the biggest kiss and it would turn into a dance party in the kitchen. Just the two of us... Just what I love most, US!

Some days are harder than others... I just miss him, I miss being a nerd with him, I miss being truly happy with him by my side.

Lance Hewitt

The other day I got a text message from a friend telling me he went to visit Lance, a man from our ward in Salt Lake. He took a picture of him next to a picture of CJ he had hanging in his apartment.

He said "man, I really miss CJ. You know I really prayed that CJ could be there with me the day I was baptized. He was so influential on me and I really thought I felt him there!"

When I saw the picture and read the text, tears of pure love ran down my face. I LOVE my CJ and how much he loved the gospel. How his life here impacted so many people... and it still does. I know that CJ was with Lance on the day he was baptized. He always told me how much he truly loved Lance, and what a great man he is.

Cody McAllister

I read your most recent post and I felt the heart strings pull me in this direction. I will always remember the Legend in the England leeds mission known as elder Rhineer.

I remember a story!!!, I went on splits with him once as he was the Assistant to the President and I had found this REALLY REALLY OLD ANCIENT Golf club weeks before. Like I think it was made of wood or something. Well once he laid eyes on it I could swear he was in love and I didn't even know he played golf. I think he held it in his hands every minute we were in the flat. I gave to him because I knew he loved it about a million times more than I did. I remember sleeping well that night because he worked me harder than I had ever done my entire mission.